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Now Hear This!

by Broken Soldier aka Jeff Betz

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1.
2.
My Pacific Northwestern Home O give me a home, where the bicycles roam where thereʼs beer and the guitars do play where seldom is heard, a republicanʼs word and the skies are all cloudy all day CHORUS Home, home on the range where thereʼs beer and the guitars do play where seldom is heard, a republicanʼs word and the skies are all cloudy all day O give me a room and the quiet solitude to lock out all my troubles and cares where black beans and rice, and red curry spice make up a Broken Solderʼs 3-Squares O give me a park and the sweet meadowlark to watch girls on a fair summerʼs day when I say “how-do?”, they just frown “who are you?” I reply as they waddle away O give me a tavern thatʼs as dank as a cavern with a juke box that plays “Fire and Rain” alone at the bar, you can be who you are as drunk as a Lord on champagne At the end of the night, too drunk to ride bike to get home you can hop on the train if you make a friend then invite them on in and sing them this happy refrain
3.
Iʼm a Cracker Now sometimes Iʼm a bore, see me at the grocery store With my taders, onions and parsnips But if you treat me kind, I wonʼt pay you no mind Iʼm as gentle as a puppy on your doorstep Just give me a beer and a belly full oʼ cheer And youʼve made a friend forever If you think Iʼm lying then damn-right youʼre buying Iʼm nobodyʼs fool, Iʼm a Cracker (REFRAIN) Im a Cracker Born in the mitten, Iʼm a Cracker From my hat to my boots, Iʼm a long-neck galoot But Iʼm nobodyʼs fool, Iʼm a Cracker Now I donʼt have no car and Iʼll never get far And Iʼm running low on ambition But see if I care, when the weather is fair As I ride along on my bicycle Iʼve never been married, ʻcause Iʼm a little scary But a gentleman through and through Iʼll pass on the drama, I donʼt need no mama Iʼm nobodyʼs fool, Iʼm a Cracker Well I donʼt mind dying, it would suit me just fine ʻCause Iʼve led a life of labor I donʼt have no fear, it was never really clear What I was doing here in the first place Iʼve read he fairytale, the savior hung up on a nail But what did that jew prove? Itʼs better to be a honky, a simpleton and a flunky And nobodyʼs fool, Iʼm a Cracker
4.
The Oʼl Grey Town Ainʼt What It Used To Be Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be Ainʼt what it used to be, ainʼt what it used to be Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be Ever since the housing boom Ever since the housing boom Ever since the housing boom Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be Ever since the housing boom Now I had a little space all to myself, I didnʼt mean no harm When the wrecking ball swang, I had to get out fast ʻcause they was tearing it down Now my rents gone up and it ainʼt what it used to be Ainʼt what it used to be, ainʼt what it used to be Now my rents gone up and it ainʼt what it used to be Ever since the housing boom Ever since the housing boom Ever since the housing boom Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be Ever since the housing boom Now they tore down the brick and put in the steel And now its so surreal. Canʼt you see your reflection in that glass How does it make you feel? Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be Ainʼt what it used to be, ainʼt what it used to be Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be Ever since the housing boom Ever since the housing boom Ever since the housing boom Now its all downhill for all the Portland wannabeʼs Ever since the housing boom
5.
Shortninʼ Bread Revisited Put on the skillet, put on the lid Mamaʼs gonna cook some shortninʼ bread My mama cook shortninʼ bread My mama cook shortninʼ bread Two cups oʼ butter, 4 cups of flour Watch Sponge Bob and see me ʻbout an hour My mama cook shortninʼ bead My mama cook shortninʼ bread Squeeze out the honey, spread on the jelly Open up the mouth and put it in the belly My mama cook shortninʼ bread My mama cook shortninʼ bread Two little boys cleaning up the kitchen One says to the other, why donʼt you quit your bitchinʼ! My mama cook shortninʼ bread My mama cook shortninʼ bread
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O’ Captain, My Captain! O’ Captain! my Captain! Our fearful trip is done The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won. The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exalting While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring But O heart! heart! heart! O the bleeding drops of red where on the deck my Captain lies Fallen cold and dead O Captain! My Captain! rise up and hear the bells Rise up! - for you the flag is flung - for you the bugle trills For you bouquets and ribboned wreaths - for you the shores a-crowding For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning; Here Captain! dear Father! This arm beneath your head! Is it some dream that on the deck You’ve fallen cold and dead. My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse or will The ship is anchor’d save and sound, its voyage closed and done From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won; Exult O’ shores, and ring O’ bells But I with mournful tread, Walk the deck m Captain lies, Fallen cold and dead.
8.
My Polly Wolly Doodle Well she waddles like a duck, and she seldom wants to fuck But I love her just the same Sheʼs got sex appeal, though she ainʼt exactly real But I imagined her this way She talks off the cuff, and always calls my bluff But what more can I say? Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle, my baked apple strudel Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle all the day Now she comes around flirtinʼ, when Iʼm down and hurtinʼ And sheʼs in the mood to play She starts in to teasinʼ and sheʼs mighty pleasinʼ When she letʼs me have my way She ainʼt what she seems, she ainʼt nothinʼ but a dream But a dream I can have any day Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle, when I pet her poodle Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle all the day Now she loves me the best and sheʼs always my guest When Iʼm all alone and blue She fetches my beer and cuddles real near as we begin to kiss and coo She always looks swanky and down with hanky-panky When Iʼm going down there too Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle, but sheʼs all in my noodle Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle all the day Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle, but sheʼs all in my noodle Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle all the day
9.
The Mid-Watch You see... Its my duty to take charge of this post and all Government property in view To walk my post in a military manner, keeping always on the alert, observing everything that takes place within sight or hearing To report all violations of the orders I am instructed to enforce To repeat all calls from posts more distant from the Guardhouse than my own To quit my post only when properly relieved To receive, obey, and pass on to the sentry who relieves me all orders from the Commanding Officer, Command Duty Officer, Officer of the Deck, and Officers and Petty Officers of the watch only To talk to one on except in the line of duty (lemme have a little taste off that bottle will ya?) To give the alarm in case of fire or disorder To call the Officer of the Deck in any case not covered by instructions To salute all officers and all colors and standards not cased To be especially watchful at night, and during the time for challenging, to challenge all persons on or near my post, and allow no one to pass without proper authority. (Uh, gimme another swoller off that again, will ya?) (spoken) So you see, this is about as far as you go son. So go on now and get you some sleep, I kindly gotta be making my rounds, ʻcause I done pulled the Mid-Watch.
10.
Sterling Hayden Was A Man Sterling Hayden was a man Oh yes a big man He was brawn he was burly And as all as a building was he Sterling Hayden was a man Oh yes a big man With a fist like a hammer And a chin made of iron had he From the Asphalt Jungle To the Long Goodbye General Jack D. Ripper played he The roughest, toughest acting man Youʼll ever see on the big screen Sterling Hayden was a man Oh yes, a big man What a dude what a boozer And the skipper of a schooner was he What a dude what a boozer And the skipper of a schooner was he
11.
Daddy Never Bought Her A Pony Now Daddy never bought her a pony The most precious little girl in the world He bought her everything that money could ever bring But what she wanted was a pony most of all Now Daddy done bought her singing lessons So she could sing like a birdie in a tree And she sang like a Cockatiel to all the worlds great appeal But what she wanted was a pony most of all Now Daddy done bought her dancing lessons A silk tutu and ruby slippers And she danced a pirouette the world will never, ever forget But what she wanted was a pony most of all Now one day this princess got married To a handsome and well to do man And he bought her everything, diamonds, a golden ring But what she wanted was a pony most of all Then one day fate it did find her In a black mourning gown and a veil And she looked up and pleaded, asking why sheʼd been cheated When what she wanted was a pony most of all (spoken) And then our princess looked up into the sky and she said: “Big heavenly Daddy, why hast thou forsaken me? when what I wanted was a pony most of all....” And it was just then that the clouds a-parted and why she couldnʼt believe her eyes! For there must-a been a thousand white ponies up there in the sky! (Refrain) Now Daddy never bought her a pony The most precious little girl in the world He bought her everything that money could ever bring But what she wanted was a pony most of all
12.
Half-Way Down To Norfolk Iʼll be half-way down to Norfolk when she comes Iʼll be half-way down to Norfolk when she comes Iʼll be half-way down to Norfolk, half-way down to Norfolk Iʼll be half-way down to Norfolk when she comes! Iʼll be polishing the brass-work when she comes Iʼll be polishing the brass-work when she comes Iʼll be polishing the brass-work, Iʼll be polishing the brass-work Iʼll be polishing the brass-work when she comes Iʼll be swabbinʼ down the passage when she comes Iʼll be swabbinʼ down the passage when she comes Iʼll be swabbinʼ down the passage, Iʼll be swabbin down the passage Iʼll be swabbinʼ down the passage when she comes Iʼll be hoistinʼ up the ensign when she comes Iʼll be hoistinʼ up the ensign when she comes Iʼll be hoistinʼ up the ensign, Iʼll be hoistinʼ up the ensign Iʼll be hoistinʼ up the ensign when she comes Iʼll be waving off the fantail when she comes Iʼll be waving off the fantail when she comes Iʼll be waving off the fantail, Iʼll be waving off the fantail Iʼll be waving off the fantail when she comes Iʼll be steaminʼ off to Naples when she comes Iʼll be steaminʼ off to Naples when she comes Iʼll be steaminʼ off to Naples, Iʼll be steaminʼ off to Naples Iʼll be steaminʼ off to Naples when she comes Iʼll be drinkinʼ with my shipmates when she comes Iʼll be drinkinʼ with my shipmates when she comes Iʼll be drinkinʼ with my shipmates, Iʼll be drinkinʼ with my shipmates ʼll be drinkinʼ with my shipmates when she comes Iʼll be dancinʼ with a floosie when she comes Iʼll be dancinʼ with a floosie when she comes Iʼll be dancinʼ with a floosie, Iʼll be dancinʼ with a floosie Iʼll be dancinʼ with a floosie when she comes
13.
When The Bosunʼs Whistle Blows When The Bosunʼs Whistle Blows, hallelujah When The Bosunʼs Whistle Blows, hallelujah Salute the ensign and go ashore, hallelujah When duty is done and lifeʼs a bore, hallelujah Take your liberty when you can, hallelujah You may not pass this way again, hallelujah Ask that pretty girl to dance, hallelujah But just donʼt come inside your pants, hallelujah Drink your whiskey with a cold beer-back, hallelujah Yip nʼ holler like a mountain jack, hallelujah Donʼt go messinʼ with a Naples whore, hallelujah And get picked up by the Shore Patrol, hallelujah Salute the ensign, get back onboard, hallelujah Standinʼ proud at your Morning Quarters, hallelujah When The Bosunʼs Whistle Blows, hallelujah When The Bosunʼs Whistle Blows, hallelujah
14.
Oʼ Susannah Approximately Well I come from Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my Knee Well Iʼm bound for San Diego for to ship me out to sea Oʼ Susannah! Oʼ donʼt you cry for me For I come from Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my knee Well I hopped on-board a Greyhound with my Stella by my side Woke up in Tijuana Oʼ Susannah donʼt you cry Oʼ Susannah! Oʼ donʼt you cry for me For I come from Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my knee Well it rained all night the day I left, my boots got soaking wet Well I made it to the shipyards, donʼt you miss your sailor yet? Oʼ Susannah! Oʼ donʼt you cry for me For I come from Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my knee “Well I love you so and donʼt you know, in a letter I did send But when I caught you with my BFF I knew it was the end. Oʼ Susannah! Oʼ donʼt you cry for me ʻcause I come for Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my knee Oʼ Susannah! Oʼ donʼt you cry for me For I come from Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my knee
15.
Rollie Hills And Franklin Go To The Election F: Duh, Hi-ya Rollie! R: Franklin, Iʼve just come from a political rally and registered as a Republican F: Duh, Gee Rollie, thatʼs swell! R: Franklin, how would you like to become a Republican? F: Duh, Gee Rollie, what do I have to do? R: Itʼs very simple Franklin, just answer a few simple questions. F: Duh, Okay. R: Franklin, do you hate niggers and mexicans? F: Duh, hate who? R: You know, anyone with brown skin...anyone whoʼs not like us! F: Duh, but Rollie, our skin is.... R: Never mind that, okay thatʼs a yes. R: Now the next question. Do you hate homosexuals? F: Duh, whatʼs that? R: You know; gays, lesbians, transgendered...anyone who is not like us! F: Gee Rolliie, I thought you said that you and I were.... R: Never mind that! Okay thatʼs a yes. Next question R: Franklin, do you hate women? F: Duh, Gee Rollie, why should I hate women? R: Franklin, its a proven fact that ever since the 19th amendment women have had the right to vote. And ever since then the country has been in a state of complete anarchy! F: Duh...it has? R: Okay Franklin. The last and most important question. Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? F: Duh, Jesus who? R: You know, are you a Christian? Do you subscribe to the ancient myths of our desert fathers? F: Duh, but I thought you said that all desert people was terrorists? R: Never mind that! Congratulations Franklin, you are now a registered Republican! Now go out there and Hate...er,-uh, Vote! F: Duh, donʼt worry Rollie, I always vote liberally! R: Nooooo! ....Franklin! F: Duhhhhhhh....(spiral into the abyss)
16.
Waldo's Rag 02:47
Scattle-be-bop, a be-bop-boo!
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21st Century Yankee Doodle Dandy Well Iʼm the kid thatʼs all the Candy A Yankee Doodle Dandy Born on the fourth of July I like my macaroni ridinʼ on a pony I wouldnʼt tell you no lie The girls all think Iʼm handy When I get free and spendy Iʼm not like some other guys Iʼm the kid thatʼs all the candy A Yankee Doodle Dandy I wouldnʼt tell you no lie.... “Hey, hold on there soldier! Where you goinʼ with that song?” “Why who are you?” Iʼm a Yankee Doodle Dandy Yankee Doodle do or die A real live shipmate of my Uncle Sam Born on the Fourth of July Iʼve got a Yankee Doodle floosie Sheʼs my Yankee Doodle joy Yankee Doodle went to Portland Just to ride the streetcar I am that Yankee Doodle Boy (slowly) Well Iʼm the kid thatʼs all the candy A Yankee Doodle Dandy I wouldnʼt tell you no lie
19.

about

A fictitious Live recording aboard a fictitious US Navy ship, the USS Walt Whitman, in the fictitious town of Sealsport, USA. A re-working of several American folk songs as well as a few original compositions. Recorded in a small studio apartment in Portland, Oregon. Field recordings of barking seals, a trolley car and the Columbia River tide captured in Astoria, Oregon and cawing crows and audience applause captured in Portland, Oregon.

Photo's, package design and assembly by Jeff Betz. Brown kraft wallet CD package includes an insert booklet with lyrics and additional graphics.

Special thanks to my o'l Navy dad Hank, for the 1950's bosun's whistle and for raising me with a love of Country music; and to Brian Kunkel for the Harmony Stella 12-string on O' Susannah Approximately.

In memory of my service in the USN, 1977-1983

credits

released October 9, 2016

Jeff Betz on all voices, vocals and instruments. Guitars: Martin D-18 and Harmony Stella 12-string; slide whistle, kazoo, bosun's whistle, train whistle, mouth whistle, hand claps and knee slaps.

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Broken Soldier Portland, Oregon

Broken Soldier is a one-man band. A fictional duo featuring Jeff Betz and his nameless companion known only as The Soldier.

Together they create works of musical fiction that purport to be Live performances but which are in fact home recordings made in a small studio apartment in Portland, Oregon.

Jeff Betz: Vocals, Guitars and all other instruments and Field Recordings.
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