1. |
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2. |
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My Pacific Northwestern Home
O give me a home, where the bicycles roam
where thereʼs beer and the guitars do play where seldom is heard,
a republicanʼs word and the skies are all cloudy all day
CHORUS
Home, home on the range
where thereʼs beer and the guitars do play
where seldom is heard, a republicanʼs word
and the skies are all cloudy all day
O give me a room and the quiet solitude
to lock out all my troubles and cares
where black beans and rice, and red curry spice
make up a Broken Solderʼs 3-Squares
O give me a park and the sweet meadowlark
to watch girls on a fair summerʼs day
when I say “how-do?”, they just frown “who are you?”
I reply as they waddle away
O give me a tavern thatʼs as dank as a cavern
with a juke box that plays “Fire and Rain”
alone at the bar, you can be who you are
as drunk as a Lord on champagne
At the end of the night, too drunk to ride bike
to get home you can hop on the train
if you make a friend then invite them on in
and sing them this happy refrain
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3. |
I'm a Cracker
04:26
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Iʼm a Cracker
Now sometimes Iʼm a bore, see me at the grocery store
With my taders, onions and parsnips
But if you treat me kind, I wonʼt pay you no mind
Iʼm as gentle as a puppy on your doorstep
Just give me a beer and a belly full oʼ cheer
And youʼve made a friend forever
If you think Iʼm lying then damn-right youʼre buying
Iʼm nobodyʼs fool, Iʼm a Cracker
(REFRAIN)
Im a Cracker
Born in the mitten, Iʼm a Cracker
From my hat to my boots, Iʼm a long-neck galoot
But Iʼm nobodyʼs fool, Iʼm a Cracker
Now I donʼt have no car and Iʼll never get far
And Iʼm running low on ambition
But see if I care, when the weather is fair
As I ride along on my bicycle
Iʼve never been married, ʻcause Iʼm a little scary
But a gentleman through and through
Iʼll pass on the drama, I donʼt need no mama
Iʼm nobodyʼs fool, Iʼm a Cracker
Well I donʼt mind dying, it would suit me just fine
ʻCause Iʼve led a life of labor
I donʼt have no fear, it was never really clear
What I was doing here in the first place
Iʼve read he fairytale, the savior hung up on a nail
But what did that jew prove?
Itʼs better to be a honky, a simpleton and a flunky
And nobodyʼs fool, Iʼm a Cracker
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4. |
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The Oʼl Grey Town Ainʼt What It Used To Be
Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be
Ainʼt what it used to be, ainʼt what it used to be
Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be
Ever since the housing boom
Ever since the housing boom
Ever since the housing boom
Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be
Ever since the housing boom
Now I had a little space all to myself, I didnʼt mean no harm
When the wrecking ball swang, I had to get out fast
ʻcause they was tearing it down
Now my rents gone up and it ainʼt what it used to be
Ainʼt what it used to be, ainʼt what it used to be
Now my rents gone up and it ainʼt what it used to be
Ever since the housing boom
Ever since the housing boom
Ever since the housing boom
Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be
Ever since the housing boom
Now they tore down the brick and put in the steel
And now its so surreal. Canʼt you see your reflection in that glass
How does it make you feel?
Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be
Ainʼt what it used to be, ainʼt what it used to be
Now the oʼl grey town just, ainʼt what it used to be
Ever since the housing boom
Ever since the housing boom
Ever since the housing boom
Now its all downhill for all the Portland wannabeʼs
Ever since the housing boom
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5. |
Shortnin' Bread Revisted
02:02
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Shortninʼ Bread Revisited
Put on the skillet, put on the lid
Mamaʼs gonna cook some shortninʼ bread
My mama cook shortninʼ bread
My mama cook shortninʼ bread
Two cups oʼ butter, 4 cups of flour
Watch Sponge Bob and see me ʻbout an hour
My mama cook shortninʼ bead
My mama cook shortninʼ bread
Squeeze out the honey, spread on the jelly
Open up the mouth and put it in the belly
My mama cook shortninʼ bread
My mama cook shortninʼ bread
Two little boys cleaning up the kitchen
One says to the other, why donʼt you quit your bitchinʼ!
My mama cook shortninʼ bread
My mama cook shortninʼ bread
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6. |
Sweepers-Sweepers!
00:27
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7. |
O Captain, My Captain!
04:11
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O’ Captain, My Captain!
O’ Captain! my Captain! Our fearful trip is done
The ship has weather’d every rack,
the prize we sought is won.
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exalting
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red
where on the deck my Captain lies
Fallen cold and dead
O Captain! My Captain! rise up and hear the bells
Rise up! - for you the flag is flung - for you the bugle trills
For you bouquets and ribboned wreaths -
for you the shores a-crowding
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear Father!
This arm beneath your head!
Is it some dream that on the deck
You’ve fallen cold and dead.
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse or will
The ship is anchor’d save and sound, its voyage closed and done
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O’ shores, and ring O’ bells
But I with mournful tread,
Walk the deck m Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
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8. |
My Polly Wolly Doodle
03:03
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My Polly Wolly Doodle
Well she waddles like a duck, and she seldom wants to fuck
But I love her just the same
Sheʼs got sex appeal, though she ainʼt exactly real
But I imagined her this way
She talks off the cuff, and always calls my bluff
But what more can I say?
Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle, my baked apple strudel
Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle all the day
Now she comes around flirtinʼ, when Iʼm down and hurtinʼ
And sheʼs in the mood to play
She starts in to teasinʼ and sheʼs mighty pleasinʼ
When she letʼs me have my way
She ainʼt what she seems, she ainʼt nothinʼ but a dream
But a dream I can have any day
Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle, when I pet her poodle
Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle all the day
Now she loves me the best and sheʼs always my guest
When Iʼm all alone and blue
She fetches my beer and cuddles real near
as we begin to kiss and coo
She always looks swanky and down with hanky-panky
When Iʼm going down there too
Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle, but sheʼs all in my noodle
Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle all the day
Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle, but sheʼs all in my noodle
Sheʼs my Polly Wolly Doodle all the day
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9. |
The Mid-Watch
02:48
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The Mid-Watch
You see...
Its my duty to take charge of this post and all Government property in view
To walk my post in a military manner, keeping always on the alert, observing everything that takes place within sight or hearing
To report all violations of the orders I am instructed to enforce
To repeat all calls from posts more distant from the Guardhouse than my own
To quit my post only when properly relieved
To receive, obey, and pass on to the sentry who relieves me all orders from the Commanding Officer, Command Duty Officer, Officer of the Deck, and Officers and Petty Officers of the watch only
To talk to one on except in the line of duty (lemme have a little taste off that bottle will ya?)
To give the alarm in case of fire or disorder
To call the Officer of the Deck in any case not covered by instructions
To salute all officers and all colors and standards not cased
To be especially watchful at night, and during the time for challenging, to challenge all persons on or near my post, and allow no one to pass without proper authority.
(Uh, gimme another swoller off that again, will ya?)
(spoken)
So you see, this is about as far as you go son. So go on now and get you some sleep, I kindly gotta be making my rounds, ʻcause I done pulled the Mid-Watch.
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10. |
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Sterling Hayden Was A Man
Sterling Hayden was a man Oh yes a big man
He was brawn he was burly And as all as a building was he
Sterling Hayden was a man
Oh yes a big man
With a fist like a hammer
And a chin made of iron had he
From the Asphalt Jungle
To the Long Goodbye
General Jack D. Ripper played he
The roughest, toughest acting man
Youʼll ever see on the big screen
Sterling Hayden was a man
Oh yes, a big man
What a dude what a boozer
And the skipper of a schooner was he
What a dude what a boozer
And the skipper of a schooner was he
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11. |
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Daddy Never Bought Her A Pony
Now Daddy never bought her a pony
The most precious little girl in the world
He bought her everything that money could ever bring
But what she wanted was a pony most of all
Now Daddy done bought her singing lessons
So she could sing like a birdie in a tree
And she sang like a Cockatiel to all the worlds great appeal
But what she wanted was a pony most of all
Now Daddy done bought her dancing lessons
A silk tutu and ruby slippers
And she danced a pirouette the world will never, ever forget
But what she wanted was a pony most of all
Now one day this princess got married
To a handsome and well to do man
And he bought her everything, diamonds, a golden ring
But what she wanted was a pony most of all
Then one day fate it did find her
In a black mourning gown and a veil
And she looked up and pleaded, asking why sheʼd been cheated
When what she wanted was a pony most of all
(spoken)
And then our princess looked up into the sky and she said:
“Big heavenly Daddy, why hast thou forsaken me? when what I wanted was a pony most of all....”
And it was just then that the clouds a-parted and why she couldnʼt believe her eyes! For there must-a been a thousand white ponies up there in the sky!
(Refrain)
Now Daddy never bought her a pony
The most precious little girl in the world
He bought her everything that money could ever bring
But what she wanted was a pony most of all
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12. |
Half-Way Down To Norfolk
03:03
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Half-Way Down To Norfolk
Iʼll be half-way down to Norfolk when she comes
Iʼll be half-way down to Norfolk when she comes
Iʼll be half-way down to Norfolk, half-way down to Norfolk
Iʼll be half-way down to Norfolk when she comes!
Iʼll be polishing the brass-work when she comes
Iʼll be polishing the brass-work when she comes
Iʼll be polishing the brass-work, Iʼll be polishing the brass-work
Iʼll be polishing the brass-work when she comes
Iʼll be swabbinʼ down the passage when she comes
Iʼll be swabbinʼ down the passage when she comes
Iʼll be swabbinʼ down the passage, Iʼll be swabbin down the passage
Iʼll be swabbinʼ down the passage when she comes
Iʼll be hoistinʼ up the ensign when she comes
Iʼll be hoistinʼ up the ensign when she comes
Iʼll be hoistinʼ up the ensign, Iʼll be hoistinʼ up the ensign
Iʼll be hoistinʼ up the ensign when she comes
Iʼll be waving off the fantail when she comes
Iʼll be waving off the fantail when she comes
Iʼll be waving off the fantail, Iʼll be waving off the fantail
Iʼll be waving off the fantail when she comes
Iʼll be steaminʼ off to Naples when she comes
Iʼll be steaminʼ off to Naples when she comes
Iʼll be steaminʼ off to Naples, Iʼll be steaminʼ off to Naples
Iʼll be steaminʼ off to Naples when she comes
Iʼll be drinkinʼ with my shipmates when she comes
Iʼll be drinkinʼ with my shipmates when she comes
Iʼll be drinkinʼ with my shipmates, Iʼll be drinkinʼ with my shipmates
ʼll be drinkinʼ with my shipmates when she comes
Iʼll be dancinʼ with a floosie when she comes
Iʼll be dancinʼ with a floosie when she comes
Iʼll be dancinʼ with a floosie, Iʼll be dancinʼ with a floosie
Iʼll be dancinʼ with a floosie when she comes
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13. |
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When The Bosunʼs Whistle Blows
When The Bosunʼs Whistle Blows, hallelujah
When The Bosunʼs Whistle Blows, hallelujah
Salute the ensign and go ashore, hallelujah
When duty is done and lifeʼs a bore, hallelujah
Take your liberty when you can, hallelujah
You may not pass this way again, hallelujah
Ask that pretty girl to dance, hallelujah
But just donʼt come inside your pants, hallelujah
Drink your whiskey with a cold beer-back, hallelujah
Yip nʼ holler like a mountain jack, hallelujah
Donʼt go messinʼ with a Naples whore, hallelujah
And get picked up by the Shore Patrol, hallelujah
Salute the ensign, get back onboard, hallelujah
Standinʼ proud at your Morning Quarters, hallelujah
When The Bosunʼs Whistle Blows, hallelujah
When The Bosunʼs Whistle Blows, hallelujah
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14. |
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Oʼ Susannah Approximately
Well I come from Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my Knee
Well Iʼm bound for San Diego for to ship me out to sea
Oʼ Susannah! Oʼ donʼt you cry for me
For I come from Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my knee
Well I hopped on-board a Greyhound with my Stella by my side
Woke up in Tijuana Oʼ Susannah donʼt you cry
Oʼ Susannah! Oʼ donʼt you cry for me
For I come from Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my knee
Well it rained all night the day I left, my boots got soaking wet
Well I made it to the shipyards, donʼt you miss your sailor yet?
Oʼ Susannah! Oʼ donʼt you cry for me
For I come from Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my knee
“Well I love you so and donʼt you know, in a letter I did send
But when I caught you with my BFF I knew it was the end.
Oʼ Susannah! Oʼ donʼt you cry for me
ʻcause I come for Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my knee
Oʼ Susannah! Oʼ donʼt you cry for me
For I come from Portland, Oregon with my Stella on my knee
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15. |
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Rollie Hills And Franklin Go To The Election
F: Duh, Hi-ya Rollie!
R: Franklin, Iʼve just come from a political rally and registered as a Republican
F: Duh, Gee Rollie, thatʼs swell!
R: Franklin, how would you like to become a Republican?
F: Duh, Gee Rollie, what do I have to do?
R: Itʼs very simple Franklin, just answer a few simple questions.
F: Duh, Okay.
R: Franklin, do you hate niggers and mexicans?
F: Duh, hate who?
R: You know, anyone with brown skin...anyone whoʼs not like us!
F: Duh, but Rollie, our skin is....
R: Never mind that, okay thatʼs a yes.
R: Now the next question. Do you hate homosexuals?
F: Duh, whatʼs that?
R: You know; gays, lesbians, transgendered...anyone who is not like us!
F: Gee Rolliie, I thought you said that you and I were....
R: Never mind that! Okay thatʼs a yes. Next question
R: Franklin, do you hate women?
F: Duh, Gee Rollie, why should I hate women?
R: Franklin, its a proven fact that ever since the 19th amendment women have had the right to vote. And ever since then the country has been in a state of complete anarchy!
F: Duh...it has?
R: Okay Franklin. The last and most important question.
Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?
F: Duh, Jesus who?
R: You know, are you a Christian? Do you subscribe to the ancient myths of our desert fathers?
F: Duh, but I thought you said that all desert people was terrorists?
R: Never mind that! Congratulations Franklin, you are now a registered Republican! Now go out there and Hate...er,-uh, Vote!
F: Duh, donʼt worry Rollie, I always vote liberally!
R: Nooooo! ....Franklin!
F: Duhhhhhhh....(spiral into the abyss)
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16. |
Waldo's Rag
02:47
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Scattle-be-bop, a be-bop-boo!
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17. |
Tattoo-Tattoo!
00:24
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18. |
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21st Century Yankee Doodle Dandy
Well Iʼm the kid thatʼs all the Candy
A Yankee Doodle Dandy
Born on the fourth of July
I like my macaroni ridinʼ on a pony
I wouldnʼt tell you no lie
The girls all think Iʼm handy
When I get free and spendy
Iʼm not like some other guys
Iʼm the kid thatʼs all the candy
A Yankee Doodle Dandy
I wouldnʼt tell you no lie....
“Hey, hold on there soldier! Where you goinʼ with that song?”
“Why who are you?”
Iʼm a Yankee Doodle Dandy
Yankee Doodle do or die
A real live shipmate of my Uncle Sam
Born on the Fourth of July
Iʼve got a Yankee Doodle floosie
Sheʼs my Yankee Doodle joy
Yankee Doodle went to Portland Just to ride the streetcar
I am that Yankee Doodle Boy
(slowly)
Well Iʼm the kid thatʼs all the candy
A Yankee Doodle Dandy
I wouldnʼt tell you no lie
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19. |
Taps-Lights Out
02:10
|
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Broken Soldier Portland, Oregon
Broken Soldier is a one-man band. A fictional duo featuring Jeff Betz and his nameless companion known only as The
Soldier.
Together they create works of musical fiction that purport to be Live performances but which are in fact home recordings made in a small studio apartment in Portland, Oregon.
Jeff Betz: Vocals, Guitars and all other instruments and Field Recordings.
... more
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